shattered kisses

ummmm

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 10:44:48 GMT

i cant sleep.

the dress she wore is on the floor

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 10:10:18 GMT

work was amazing last night. Alexandra, Johanna, Rocky and Serge came to starbucks.
Then the guy who shot a whole in his hand came and gave me his number.
Eric asked "Is there anything else I can get you?"
the guy said "yeah, that girls number"
[i was in the back counting my money]
eric said "I cant do that but you can try giving her yours."
and thats exactly what he did. too bad hes like 30 something...

I met veronicas dad. it was sorta odd cuz hes nothing i imagined. I went to her house that night and we talked forever on the couch. Then we fell asleep right there. The plumber guy came at 8 this morning. and we didnt wake up until 3pm. then we made what i like to call chistoso. and normally we make it with eggs but this time we tried it with mac&cheese. it was so good. I hecka missed spending time with her.

I got so many phone calls from my parents yelling at me about how i wasnt suppose to go anywhere last night and to come home. but i didnt so now im irresponsible and bla bla. w/e. then me and laura went shopping at borders and spent 100 bucks on books. i bought so many hardcover books for like 5 bucks each. hecka nice sale! I wamt to o back and start my library. i wanna start collecting books and cds. i cant wait until my collection starts to bloom.

I saw Auri, Todd, kim, Vlad, and kristian at work. and it all happened when I was on my break. i was so happy :) this is why i love working at starbucks...and everyday just gets better.

i touched snow and saw stephen

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 10:40:55 GMT

work was great. i saw veronica. got hugs all day. sutter is taking me to cheesecake factory. i got nicks number. i love it when eric squeezes me. mikey and issa stopped by.
i spent the day with stephen :)
we went shopping, he took me out to lunch at cheesecake factory. went back to his place. and met his parents later that evening. good stuff.

and i saw snow for the first time 2 days ago! and i went snowboarding! so much fun even though it was really hard.
i plan on buying a season pass next season [hopefully] cuz i wanna learn and i just wanna play in the snow.
i cant believe i've never seen snow like that. and it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

life is so beautiful

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 00:47:40 GMT

im in love with jamison parker.
i like stephen
i have veronica and monica back
xmas is next week
im going to the snow for the first time this sunday with danny
i spend my breaks with the beautiful romanian, marcus

<3 European Boys <3

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 09:30:21 GMT

The hottest, most gorgeous guy came into starbucks. I could not take my eyes off of him. He was telling me how he's going to Europe next week and is staying there until the 23rd. He's planning on visiting London, Paris, and Rome. Then I told him how i was planning my trip to Europe too and that I wanted to fall in love with a guy from Sweden! He thought that was cute. Want to know what I think is cute? HIM! We kept talking but then I had more customers so he left. I wish I could have talked to him for hours. He was with his friend and they were playing chess in the corner. I went out to "clean tables" but I actually went to see him. I was like "who's winning?" and he said his friend was...but oh wow! His accent is so gorgeous! I could not tell where he was from so I asked Steve to go find out for me...he walked over to check him out and tried talking to him. But he wasnt sure. Kelly asked me to tell the guys they had a few minutes left before we had to kick them out. (i told him, i didnt want the guys to leave. but at least he let me go out and talk to the hot guy for one last time) then I asked where he was from and he said Romania! oh baby, that was hot when he said it. And he's fluent in German! so awsome! I wish I could have gotten his name and number...i hope he comes back because I really want to see him again!!!

seeing him makes me smile

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 15:36:12 GMT

I liked him since the day I saw him. and the more I spent time with him, the more I liked him. When I didn't see him at school, I realized that I really did miss him. and now that I know he likes me back (well I have been told), I like him even more.

i want that swedish boy

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 03:29:53 GMT

im talking to hot swedish boy right now. and it makes me wish i was actually in sweden. but when i go, i will see him. i cant believe i'm saying this. <333
i have work in an hour and im missing the kings game. this sucks. but i'll bug my customers about it.
still no call from steve so im assuming hes not going to call. oh well. there wasnt gonna be much time to hangout.
But the good thing about today was hugging veronica forever! im so glad we're friends again. I was starting to miss her so much. and she says she misses me too. oh man, i feel so good now. and i love this feeling.
I didnt go to bed till like 4am last night cuz alexandra kept me up. but i actually slept so good and I dont remember the last time I had slept that good...which is weird cuz i was on the floor with hundreds of blankets. maybe thats why. And she said she could tell cuz i was sleeping with my butt in the air. haha i dont ever sleep like that! so embarressing....and then she made me swedish pancakes. i felt so spoiled today.
then i had work with savannah and desiree....it was sooo slow! one of the most boringiest days ever cuz there was nothing to do.

yesturday was so much at the jazz festival and seeing all those bands perform inspired me to take my saxaphones out. I tried playing them and now i've been listening to charlie parker. thanks to danny :)
and i plan on joining a jazz band soon! all i need it to get my saxaphones fixed and i'll be all set.

i sliced my finger at work

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 09:36:51 GMT

I am so hyped up on coffe!! I cant even sit still...but work was alot of fun. Another night with steve and amber. I love working with them. Except the motorcycle guys weren't there which was kinda sad cuz I am starting to miss them when i dont see them. But i did see nick! so that was good. and i met some older guy who is going to give me kings tickets. so im excited about that. And then I sliced my finger and got 50 bucks in tips. not bad not bad.
did the kings win or loose? I must find out cuz im bummed i had to miss the game. last thing I heard from a customer is that they were behind 11 points in the 4th quarter.

so there's this guy at school who I really like. sucks that he has a gf. but he has got the hottest, most tightest pants ever. and the coolest hair which makes him even more sexier! I am so glad I ran into him today in the office and got to spend hecka time talking to him! oh man...I remember seeing him for the first time and thinking to myself "all I want is to talk to that guy" did I ever think I would? heck no! but now i do! I love it...lol. how do these things ever turn out to be? I dont think i'll ever find out. Now instead of me falling for all these guys who have gfs, I need to find a single one...

I was just told that there is a place in downtown that has LIVE FLAMENCO DANCERS!!! on friday and saturday nights! I am so going when I dont have to work am!!! and maybe one of these days....you will find me dancing there :D so ummmm who wants to join me?? i cant wait i cant wait! i want to go there with Amber and try the belly dancing with her cuz that is so hot!

i met a boy at dimple

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 08:56:05 GMT

yes i did. and his name is danny.
we went out for lunch today and talked alot. Turns out we have so much in commone! Its kinda freaky what I like it.
I think im starting to like him. But its good, right? getting over emmanuel wasnt easy and I havent been looking for anyone since that whole situation which made me loose all trust in guys. but I see something different in danny. maybe its the fact that he is older and actually has goals hes striving for...Im not sure.
he plays the guitar, sax, in several bands, religious, wants to be a music teacher, has a tattoo and wants more, rocker, likes jazz music, performs on street corners, plans on playing on cruise ships, against divorce, religious, mexican american, likes dogs, owns a rat, laughs alot, works at dimple records, has great taste in music, goes to sac state, majoring in liberal arts, loves to snowboard, wants to travel europe...i mean this guy is great!
I went to dimple tonight to buy some more cds and to see im of course which was cool. Alexandra says hes cute and a great guy. so thats a bonus. And the other guy was hecka flirting with her. and i had to give him my number for him to look up my dimple rewards card and then he said "me and danny will give you a call tonight" and all i was thinking was "too late, he already called me last night and we went out for lunch!" haha....and as I was leaving danny said "i'll give you a call later" awwww so cute!
and he's so musically talented, its hot. he let me listen to his bands cd and it was really good! like wow. haha.
oh man...I cant believe it. but im going to see him on thursday hopefully! I'll be at dimple for a few hours lol :D

feels like xmas

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 00:21:34 GMT

we bought our xmas tree today and took lots of pictures. I'll post those up later.
I'm feeling a little better and maybe I'll even help put up decorations.
I had to drag my drumset upstairs and almost fell down cuz they were in the way of the tree. Now its time to clean and start my hw.

I decided to change my major from nursing to teaching. And i'm actually looking forward to school now. Whereas before I hated the thought of taking all those science classes. So here's my schedule for next semester:
MWF: human development (9-10am), geography (10-11am), math 310 (12-1pm)
TTH: communications (8-9:15am), english 300 (9:20-10:35am)

A night to remember, a morning to forget

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 08:18:53 GMT

I slept all day (luckily I was able to get off work even though I did have a slight thought of getting fired because of it) and then I slept some more. I don't remember the last time I was sick...so I forgot how much it sucks ot hurt this bad. I am beginning to feel very weak. So weak, I cant really type without it hurting. I have Laura to care for me. We watched minority report which was very confusing. And who knows, maybe in 50 years we'll have computer like that and then I'll be able to look into the future.
I had to go to starbucks to report a medical problem. I was not expecting to do it at that moment because Alexandra and Laura were stuck at the dollarstore because of a overheated car so I drove there to get them.

"do not go anywhere, do you understand? when we come back you better be here" said my parents before they left for the store.

So i called them to let them know I was picking up Alexandra and Laura. While my dad was on the phone he told me to go to starbucks and do the report but I had just rolled out of bed and looked terrible! but that didnt stop him from yelling. Then my mom takes hold of the phone and starts yelling at me about the same thing. I finally hung up. And decided to go just to get it over with. As I got there, all the motorcycle guys were there...it sucked cuz I hadnt seen them in over a week and the day they're there is the day i look like crap and feel like crap. So I couldnt even say hi to them. I walked to the back as fast as I could. Steve made me feel better with his hug and letting me try his "swamp" drink...it was ok i guess. but I needed something hot. I went home and wrapped some more presents with Laura. Or more like Laura wrapped and I watched...good stuff.

I had my chicken noodle soup and lots of hot tea. Green tea, Zen tea, Passion tea, Jazmine tea, Raspberry tea, and Orange tea
then I made quesadillas with ham, cheese, lettuce and honey dijon. Good stuff except for the fact that my hot cocoa spilled everywhere. That stuff can get so difficult...and I plan on sleeping all day tomorrow and drinking more tea. Bring me some chicken noodle, if you please.

first LJ since alina was 8

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 07:27:17 GMT

I want to listen to death cab for cubie and alina wants a pair of green lips to sit on.
*throw back laugh*
*knee slap laugh*
alina: i want a new laugh for christmas

I'll be sure to ask santa for her.
when I asked my mom for an ipod she said said all I get is coal for being a bad girl. whats with that? I almost forgot but I have a tumor on my lip from the refrigerator at starbucks that fell on me...ugh!

Alina is reading all my old LJ entries...they are so stupid.

orientation on tuesday, 7pm, round table

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 07:28:38 GMT

I just got the job at coldstone with Savannah! and im getting so excited but I had to quit my job at manchu wok. im really gonna miss working with all that chinese food...and now it wont ever be free....but at least I do get free icecream which is so much better. even tho both things are gonna make me so fat!

So besides that...im pissed. my parents were suppose to be gone for the whole weekend, and i called bjorn to drive to sacramento and stay the night with me. I called him earlier this evening and he said he was getting excited to come see me and that he would be pissed too if my parents didnt end up going. And ya, they told me they werent going. They are going part of the day on sunday but im working that day which isnt gonna help me or bjorn. So im hoping my parents leave next weekend, but i have a feeling they wont. ugh why do they have to be so gay!?

and an update about the guy situation. ya i cried alot, ya i miss him, but what we had will never go back to what it used to be. My mom said he didnt deserve all my tears but I couldnt help it...I just cant understand how someone could hurt me and not realize what they were doing. Dont ever tell your gf that you've been seeing lots of other girls as tho ur gf wasnt even your gf. AHHHH!!!! I DONT GET IT and i probly wont ever get why he did that. I dont know whas going to happen now, he's like a stranger now to me...things are awkward and cuz there is no feeling anymore its time to end it...but when and how? It was hard telling my manager I needed to quit. But telling my bf will be even harder. I think I need more time to think about this.

no school = day of shopping and eating

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 04:44:28 GMT

Since we had no school today me and my hot date, alina went to crossroads and spent about 3-4 hours there. We tried on lots of cute clothes and spent about $60. Then off to chinese buffet (first time ever going there) and it was so good! Im so gonna go there again and eat everything. And so I was drinking my orange soda and alina says "he's only 4 inches." And then i started laughing so hard that I almost spit out my soda but I tried so hard to keep it inside me mouth. And then she says "oh wait, hes 3 1/2." Which me made start laughing even harder. so alina, dont ever do that when im drinking. haha. Then We went and did more shopping. Saw a really old fat lady dressed really slutty. Had cottage cheese legs, little highheels and a skirt that didnt even reach the bottom of her crotch. U saw everything...and that poor old asian man who looked her all the way from the top of her head to the bottom of her foot. haha...actually it was really funny. Oh and me and alina got calls to have an audition/interview for coldstone...i really hope they hire us....but it will be sad leaving manchu wok : (

I bought the new Used CD which I absolutly love! I wanted Senses Fail, but i'll buy that next time I go shopping for CDs since I do have along list of ones I want....Does anyone know of a really cheap music store besides dimple??? I must go there!

sometimes i wish i had a man voice like bettys.

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 05:36:44 GMT

Couldn't focus tonight at dance class. I was suppose to take all the girls to the other room and help them for senior project but instead some other did that. And i was stuck dancing with the older girls. I dont know how im ever going to do my sr project and still learn the dances for the show. ugh...i hated today
Today is our 5th month anniversary and he didnt even call...i wont see him all weekend, maybe next weekend if im lucky. but i am getting so excited for monday! I have a date with the someone of my dreams! Havent been alone with this special someone in a very long time. So yes, it's going to be a very special day for the both of us.
I have to start this research paper which I havent even touched yet. oops...maybe i'll finally start my research tonight. Im gonna drive tomoro for the first time in 3 months! and possibly get my licesne next month.
Why did my mom seriously flip out when i turned on the tv and big daddy was one??!? Shes like "why are u watching this rated R movie? and you're not alllowed to watch USA" i tried explaining that big daddy is not rated R and that its a funny movie not a dirty/porno movie. which she assumes every movie is. of course she kept yelling at me and I was yelling back at her. Then I threw the rmote contol across the room and fell asleep in my bed. I didnt want to think about anything else cuz I knew my anger would get out of control if I stayed in the same room with her.

love hurts

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 06:01:06 GMT

tonight was great spending all evening with him in his arms, in the spa. But so terrible at the same time. He told me he was moving to virginia for 20 weeks then Georgia and then goin off to war in iraq or one of those countries. I really hope he doesnt go. I dont want him leaving me in 3 months....wut am I going to do without him. SO basically it was him trying to figure out wut was going to happen to us cuz he doesnt want to lose me and I dont want to lose him. I still love him and he still loves me. But hes gonna be gone for over a year and I cant wait for him until he gets back. So I guess we're gonna be seperated and if he comes back, well i'll still be here, and maybe we will get back together, If we were meant to be then ya we will get together again. I just dont want him to go now...i cried all night with him. Then to my mom when I got home, cried to alina and to my sister. I just have to realize that I have only 3 months to enjoy everything I can with him, and then I cant let myself get depressed...he says im strong, and I have to think of it as tho hes fighting for me. I dont want anything to happen ti him. And I just cant believe how much im gonna miss him. He was already gone for 3-4 months, and i missed him like crazy. Now its gonna be for a year?! can i handle that? well if im waiting for him then ya, but if I can find someone else, it shoudlnt be so hard. But who do I want to be with when I still want to be with chris?! ugh love hurts...

my weekend of doing nothing

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 03:32:46 GMT

So on friday night I had my last drum lesson. It was sad saying bye to ken but in a few months I think I'll go back and conti ue with the lessons. Cuz im beginning to get really good on the double bass. Then went to dance which was fun. Patty told me all about her hot bf who is bi! so they make out with another guy and another girl all the time. I wish I could do that. But Chris would never approve of it. Yesturday I had nothing to do. My girls went out dancing but I couldnt go with them. So sad...:( but i thot it would be nice to spend the whole day with Chris. I called him around 1pm but he was asleep. I asked if he wanted to go out that evening and he said he didnt kno and that he would call me later when he wakes. So I waited but decided to take a nap at 2pm. I kept the phone by my head incase he did call. It was about 8pm when I woke up and still no call from Chris. So me and my sister watched cast away which was a bad movie. So we had the double screen thing on the tv. Watching cast away/road rules. wow i love that show. and its so sad how she fell for him but he was just using her. To bad they were so cute together. So neways, my plans for yesturday never happened. Went to work this morning and had jamba juice during my break. I spent like an hour over there talking to Brenda who i went to jefferson with and we were talking about everything, and then I finally made up my mind on that oatmeal smoothie which was not good. So I got another one for free. I came home and Alina stopped by to see my ugly trimmed hair. I wish it was long...but the deadness of it needed to go....ugh so ugly. Then she drove me and chris to the club. (thanks! for doin that) and we woked out some. but omg i got kicked out cuz i wasnt wearing shoes! omg so mad! grrrr so I left and chris met me out there later. It was nice just being out there with him...i forgot wut that was like since it has been 4 months since we've done that. and he told me wut a "donkey punch" is. <---so gross! he didnt even want to tell me but he did eventually. haha and a "magic Houdini". ewww actually they're really funny. but he wont tell me wut a "beast" is. He says its only between guys and little girls shouldnt know about it. well, i'll find out one of these days. So we left around 7:30pm. And now I think im gonna go to bed and not even bother with that english thing. Its so dumb wut I have so far of it but w/e. It dont matter.

it doesnt make sense....

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 04:24:50 GMT

question is, what is going to happen to happen between the two of them? Its like his view on life isnt the same as it used to be. And now what she thought was going to happen isn't going to happen anymore. It sucks knowing one day it's all going to have to end. So she should enjoy every minute she can with him but what does she do if he is too busy for her. If all he wants to do is school work so he can graduate 3 months before anyone else. And what will he do after that? Wait until she graduates and take off once again? How long can she keep waiting for him? She will wait for him cuz she loves him, but how long can it be? And will he still want her after everything?

dont ever leave me again

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 05:03:21 GMT

omg...I love him so much.
waiting 4 months was deffinitly worth it.
I had him back in my arms and loved every minute I had with him.

something cute he said on the phone

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 01:15:20 GMT

chris: Im finally eating junkfood. and its the first time in 4 months since i've had a dr. pepper. oh and icecream
me: shutup you're making me hungry

too bad when he gets here thats all we're gonna be eating, since he owes me so many dinner dates.

so basically it was family day for all them guys and he went bowling with his parents. hes excited about graduating tomoro and coming home on sat.

I finally got to use my camera today...and we took a bunch of random pictures at school. my favorite is the one of me and alina drinking out of 4 chocolate milks. who ever knew u could buy 4 for $1. so thats gonna be our lunch from now on...Bjorn stopped by yesturday during my break at work and i was so excited to see him. Since it has been over 3 months. He plans on coming down here more often but thats gonna be a problem...oh! im getting a kitty! but i gotta keep it a secret from my parents cuz they dont want another one. but i figure if i take care of it, buy its food, etc then they have to let me keep it. Its got no tail which im so loving. Cuz i lost my baby azules last year (siamese with no tail). Work sucked last night cuz i got yelled at for talking to alina while working. So if i do it again, im gonna get fired. not good.

long since forgotten.when sparks fly.subject to change

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 05:41:31 GMT

I got paid today and can't wait for tomoro when i buy my digital camera. Then either tomoro or monday me and alina can test out the cameras. haha take pics of eachother, how exciting. And with the money I have left over i plan on buying CDs. i already made a list of the ones I want...i dont even know where u can find most of these bands but i'll search every store there is out there until I find exactly what im looking for. I say i save half my pay check. the other half goes towards music and clothes. no more money on food...i seriously have to stop this. and that includes u too alina!
new fav band: dismissed
I went shopping to find Chris something, but couldnt find anything. I think im gonna try arden. I tried a mango smoothie which was very good. but prestons looked alot better. next time i'll get wut he got. I have to work tomoro and next sat, the day chris comes back. im kinda pissed about that, but oh well. i'll come home from work and then get ready, wait for kim to pick me up and go meet them at the airport. I still can't believe its in 1 week....i never thot this day would come. I dont think i'll be able to sleep that day....oh wait i just realized I had a dance rehearsal that morning and it ends when work starts....ugh im not gonna have a single minute that day to relax. but at least i'll be able to relax with chris...sumthin I have missed so much this summer.
99 cent store is THE place to shop. haha me and preston had a hula hoop contest, i won! then I bought one for Alina. Im thinking of going back and buying another one for myself. I still cant believe how everything in that store is less then a dollar...cuhrayzee

i hate mosquitos

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 05:39:09 GMT

alina stopped by tonight and a truck almost ran over us so I had to squeeze my butt on top of her in order to protect the both of us. So ya i got eaten alive by those stupid blood sucking things. So neways wuts new with me? Well ive been working alot more lately = more money = more going out with alina = eating alot more food = getting way fatter! ya thats exactly wut we need.
wow....i can't believe it but Chris is coming back in less then 2 weeks!!! I talked to his mom and she said they were flying over there next monday and then they're arriving here at 4:40pm. I was getting kinda worried cuz I didn't have a ride but turns out chris's sister is back and she's gonna take me. Oh ya, he called on friday before my drum lesson and it was so good to hear his voice. Its scary to think I havent talked to him in over a month. Since normally we talk like 10000x a day. but ya once he gets back we'll get back to doing that. My only concern is finding time for everything. school, work, alina, and him. But im sure i can handle all that. I still gotta go get him a gift...hmmm but with work this weekend i dont see where im gonna find the time. And wut am i gonna get him....maybe that gold thong alina was gonna buy me at the 99 cent store haha he'd love that.
So some girl walked into our class and omg she looked just like victoria. it was kinda scary but ya i seriously think its her coming back as someone else. Hallie says it couldnt be her cuz tori would never wear express jeans. but then again i never thot i would buy a pair but i did.
ok im goin to bed....my butt hurts....im tired....and i got a long day tomoro. i work till 10pm. grrrr but beatrz and atoro are gonna be there so it should be alright. Come visit me if u want some free fortune cookies!

who wants free shrimp? the nice chinese man asked.

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 06:37:39 GMT

i finally got that phone call i've been waiting for all summer. The chinese man called and wanted me to go in tonight. so i did. he gave me some papers about customer service and said to come in on monday to start my job training. im so excited. tomoro i go shopping for black work pants. and on monday i get my shirt and hat. oh u kno im gonna be looking so sexy like alina be looking in her carls jr. outfit. haha. u kno it girl.

I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 06:49:15 GMT

went in for another job interview with alina. and no one has called yet. im about to give up with the whole getting a job for this summer. i'll be lucky if i find one once skool starts. and if i dont get a job means

1. no money
2. no cell phone
3. no goin out to eat with alina
4. alina will have to go out and eat without me and with the nice little chinese man cuz she can afford the free shrimp and i cant. oh wait i'll be the one eating the free shrimp if i were to go and she'll be the one eating an actual plate.

tomoro night im gonna meet alina's friends from SF. and we're planning on seeing gooser. this should be good. well...that's if my mom decided to let me go. "let me sleep on this" does that mean yes or no. well she wont let me go to the mall in the morning with alina. so who knows. she might not let me out at night. im still disapointed that hallie doesnt wanna go with us to the gooser show. oh well. thats her decision. i hope i get to see joe. its only been like 2 weeks since i've last seen him and yes i miss him! lol.

a month with no chris. and 2 more left. its sad cuz i always smell him in my room. i can smell him in my pillow.and wow how i miss him. every time i put my face in it it feels as if he's there next to me. so i close my eyes hoping he'll be there when i open them. i miss those nights when he used to sleep over. my bed is so empy now. and im deffinitly very lonely. alina come sleep with me. now. i just want this summer to be done with so i can see him. the longer the summer is the longer i have to wait to be with him. and i was just thinking if i get that job i want then that's gonna keep me busy once school starts on the weekends and some weekdays. so when will i have time to spend with chris? not much. and when i do my mom is gonna be like "no u dont need to see him. stay home and clean bcuz i dont want u going out" ummm shut up mom!

wut would I do without him?

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 08:23:58 GMT

wow today was kinda crazy...i got this phone call from chris and he sounded kinda scared when i first picked up the phone. Then he says he's in the hospital from getting bit by a brown recluse. i had no idea wut that was...i didn't think it was anything that bad. then he said it was a really poisonous spider and could have killed him...or he could have had his arm amputated. omg...I can't even begin to imagine wut I would di if he did die...i dont wanna lose him. I wouldnt even have been able to kiss him for the last time, hold him tight in my arms and close to my heart, i wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. wow...could it get any worse then that? Im just lucky he's ok right now...he's recoverin after spending a week in the hospital. I wish I could go and spend it with him...i wanna take care of him and make him get better. I want to get in the hospital bed and cuddle with him. I want to love him. The one thing that touched me was when he told me I made him get better...i was the one who stopped the pain and suffering. When something hurts him or when he gets scared he thinks of me and it makes him feel better. happy. Its like in that movie pearl harbor when Ben kinda like died in the plane but the only way he survived was cuz he needed to get back to his girlfriend. I thot that was so sweet and never would have thot I'd be in the same situation. It's definitly a good feeling knowing you do something to someone. Specially if that somebody loves you so much and you love them just the same. He told me when he gets back he's not gonna leave me...I was like I kno and he's like no really, I dont ever want to leave you. So I was like you really miss me that much and he's like I miss you more than anything. Ok i just really wanna hold him and kiss him right now. It hurts thinking he's alone in the hospital with nothing to do and no one he knows to visit him. I would so fly down there if I had the money and if I was on my own so I didn't have to worry about my parents. I'd get on the plane right this second to see him. If he was asleep then i'd sneak in his bed, making sure he was still asleep so when he woke up in the morning i'd be the first one he saw when he opens his eyes. Then i'll kiss him hard and keep my lips locked on his. I really truely do love him. I had a mental breakdown this evening about how much my life would change if something were to happen to him. There would definitly be a hole in my heart that would be hard to fill. And its weird thinking how I feel this much for him and he feels so much for me even tho it's only been 2 months...think of how much we'll be feeling for eachother in like a year or more. He's definitly a keeper. And i'm so lucky knowing there is a guy that cares for me as much as he does, who loves me as much as he does and who will do anything in the world I ask him to make me happy. I've never really had anyone in my life like that...and now i do. god i miss him so much. Im so happy he's got faith now and it was the cutest thing when he started reading things from the bible to me. I want him to call me tomoro...cuz he called later today right when alina got here to take me to brads party at chuckecheese which was alot of fun! I would go into telling u all about our fun evening but im so tired, its after 1am, and my head hurts. nite everyone.